Top Ten Funniest Things About Africa

#1 Lots of Batswana ask if I am a rapper. Back in the states I really don’t put off a rapper vibe. But here all white people are rappers.

#2 The Setswana word “mabele” means sorghum porridge and human breasts. Your pitch determines which one you get. I keep missing it up and get sorghum porridge (wah wah).

#3 I have been asked three times by someone if they can take a ride on my helicopter. All Americans own helicopters.

#4 The belts here are awesome. I decided on an Obama 2009 belt but I could have got a rhinestone dollar sign on spinners or one that said “Thug Life” with a six shooter on it. (If I was to guess I will own all of them soon.)

#5 Americans AND Batswana say my Setswana is funny. I guess Ozarkian and Setswana make for a pretty indecipherable combo. Dumella mam.

#6 Those that know me well, know I am terrified of snakes. I have not seen one since I have been here, but my sick mind thinks that every lizard, chicken, dog, donkey I see is a black mamba out to get me.

#7 There is a lady at my work that tells me every day that I need to ride a donkey. The thought of it consumes her- It would be pretty funny.

#8 Every time a child sees me he/she will yell “Le Kgowa” (white person) and either smile and wave or cry in terror.

#9 I get marriage proposals from women every week. If they only knew what disappointments were ahead of them if I accepted.

#10 (Less funny/more cute) Men hold hands here. If you got a best buddy just interlace those fingers and go for a nice walk.

Bonus for anyone under 40: There was a barber shop in Kanye called “Tupac Haircuts.”  Now we know where he went.

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